Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.