I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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