weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to