Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
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Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
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I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.