Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
