You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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