Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
