If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
