I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
