TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
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OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
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his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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