Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
