and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Randomize
