i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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