guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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