I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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