so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
