i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
