it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
