Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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