she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
