He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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