I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
