I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
