Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
