when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
