I just pynch a tree in the face
That's when you crack a 10am beer
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
