Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
