i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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