i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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