here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
