drinking out of a sandbucket again
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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