Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
