i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
