I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
