That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
COCAINE IS GR8
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
