Porn is love you can see.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
