Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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