Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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