i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
