Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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