we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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