I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
