i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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