this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
