Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
