Pappa wants mamma naked
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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