He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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