GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
