Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
