oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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