I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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