She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
