Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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