I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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