who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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