i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
