Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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