There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
