Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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