i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
