every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
