yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
