I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
