Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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