Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
