I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just puked most of my soul out..
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