My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
