My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
