"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
