Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Bring me that man meat
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
