we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
