Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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