She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
