he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
