the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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