is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
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Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize