so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
