I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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