I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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