just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
