I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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