Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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