the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
