Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
