Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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