I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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