So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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